Bears hibernate. Vancouverites Party.

Aaahh…. another successful November party.  It’s a bit of a tradition with me.  This year I obtained some 30 helium balloons.  Walking down the street with them was great fun.  Some day I should try that with no particular destination in mind.  There were plates of cheeses, pate, fresh baguettes… the drinks and the music never stopped.

What makes this party a little unusual is that the night before, in a dream, I realized that I really wanted a surprise party.  Then I realized that *everybody* wants a surprise party.  So each guest arrived was told that everyone else had gone to look at my friend’s new place next door and they’d be back in five minutes and to please put your coat in the bedroom.  Upon opening the bedroom door all the people hiding in there would scream SURPRISE and the guest would say something like “oh my god, i peed myself a little.”  One man pretended to have a heart attack.  Nice Get Shorty reference, dude.

The other thing that makes this party unusual is that I told people to wear their pajamas to the party.  Well, technically I said “wear whatever you wear to bed”.  Then I amended it – “I know you love to sleep naked.  Put something on anyways.”  Apparently nobody in my circle of friends sleeps in any kind of bondage gear.  Oh well.

I feel a little tightness in the throat when I watch this.

Animal Crossing is Tragic

from: ytmnd.com

Fan Mail

How are you today, I hope all is well with you .I am sorry to worry you with my Proposal for a relationship with you, but I know that you will grant my request in good faith and understanding, My name is isa, I just went Through your profile at (www.collarme.com) I have no options than letting you Know that I am interested in having a relationship with you, I will also like to Know you the more, you can send an email to my email address (xxx@yahoo.com) so that I can send you more details about my self Including my picture. I believe we can move from here. But bear in mind that Love has no colors barrier, no educational back ground barrier, no socio-economic Barrier, religious, language, nationality or distance barrier, the only important Thing there is love. I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.

Yours Sincerely,

I

Dear Baby23,

I don’t know which part of your approach is more unappealing. I am a straight dominant male. Your online profile says you are either a dominant female, a submissive male, or both. None of those options interest me. You have also failed to make any reference to me as a person which tells me this is a form letter. You don’t want to use CollarMe as a means of communication, which tells me you are untrustworthy. You have made spelling, capitalization, and conjugation errors which tells me that you are too stupid to use a spell checker.

In short, I hope you fall off the face of the earth and only land on something very painful.

Go Fuck Yourself,
D

Inspiration

In the Collarchat forums people are always asking for creative ways to abuse & humiliate their subs.  The answer is keep your eyes and ears open because inspiration could strike at any time.

For example, last night I was giving my favorite steak recipe to a sub when, somehow, the idea of using a meat thermometer as a butt plug came up.  How ebarassing would that be?

“According to this, you’re undercooked pork …and here I thought you were kosher.”

One day I’d like to own a Bed & Breakfast

Something in a secluded forest area, with a hotspring people can bathe in.  It would cater exclusively to the kinky crowd.  There’d be a dungeon, private trails to walk on, bedrooms well equiped with multi purpose furniture, big bathrooms, and a library.  Who knows, maybe even lessons for those who are interested.

Naturally there would have to be plenty of room for my harem.  (Ha!  Hard enough to please one woman.)

The Infection is spreading

It starts with the doorway to a bedroom.  Walking through the doorway is a tall, thin man with a bottomless gaze.  Over his shoulder he’s carrying your bound feminine curves.  He unceremoniously dumps you on the bed.  While you cry out to complain he uses the distraction to tie your hands to the center of the headboard.  You struggle to get away but it’s no good, he’s got your legs now and he’s tying them to the center of the footboard.  “Twist all you want!  Hahaha… you’re not going anywhere.  Oh, still don’t believe me, hm?”  Slowly, with the patience of a man who knows he has all the time in the world, he starts to undo your jeans.  Then he slides his fingers under your shirt, over your belly and around to your back.  His face is inches above yours, smirking as he deftly unhooks your bra.  Keeping things slow, he peels your top up to your wrists, then tugs your jeans down to your ankles.  “Look at you.  Squealing like a stuck pig.  You’re such a hypocrite.  I can smell your arousal from here!  Hell, I can taste it.  Don’t believe me?  Taste it yourself.  You know, I think it’s kind of funny.  When they made you, someone must have mixed up at the factory.  They took the body and mind of a good and decent girl and then installed a slut’s pussy.  Maybe the parts were mislabeled.  Feel the way my hands are running through these wet lips?  Those are a slut’s lips.  And when I push in like this?  That grip on my fingers is clearly a slut’s grip.  There’s no doubt about it.  And when I roll you over and play with that ass at the same time?  I can tell by the way it wiggles and tries to get closer to my hand that it’s a slut’s ass.  Maybe it’s more like an infection.  You’ve got the slut virus and it’s spreading through your body.  Well of course you would suggest I give you an ‘innoculation’.  It’s clearly spread to your brain.  *sigh*  Looks like you’re 100% slut now.  I’ll have to keep you like this all the time, for your own good.”