Look at what this hooker made

And by “hooker” I mean one who crochets.  I knever knew knitting could be be so fun.

Albino Black Sheep’s Fetish Farmer

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/cow

Diesel Sweeties: musically myopic?

Dear Mr. Stevens,

I wanted to write and say, first, how much I love reading Diesel Sweeties.  Also, your shirt designs rock!  I wish I had the dough to buy more.  I am wearing “It’s fun to use learning for evil” as I write these words.

I love the characters Indie Rock Pete, Metal Steve, and Electron Mike.  Would I be correct in guessing that these characters’ choice of audio reflect your tastes?  I only ask because I’m wondering about other musical styles.  Classical.  Bossa nova.  Jazz.  Salsa.  Country.  Hell, Spoken word and radio theatre!  The list goes on.  I’m not saying there should be a character for each of these styles.  (Good lord, the cast would be huge.)  I’m asking if there’s any representation for other styles that, imho, deserve just as much acclaim.  I mean I’m practically camping out for Iron Maiden, but I listen to Funk when I’m making dinner.  I go see Amin Tobin…as one of many performances at the jazz festival.  I’m buying a record player so I can listen to Otis Redding, the opera Carmen, and Muddy Waters.  Musically I’m all over the place and I want to believe that everybody gets out and experiences the whole spectrum of sound.  Is that crazy of me?  If it isn’t, then that implies others think like I do, and therefore the occaisional mention of some other kind of music might not go unappreciated.  Certainly I would appreciate it!

Anyways, I’m probably being a huge jerk for even suggesting it, and Diesel Sweeties is great as it is so feel free to ignore me

Thanks for your time,
D

Put it in a letter

Bent over my knee, I playfully swatter her spandex-covered rump.  It was tender from punishment the day before, so it didn’t take much to make her sing.

Girl, we both know your safeword.  We both know you’re loving it.  We both know I’m loving it.  So take all your “ouchies” and put it in a letter, and send it to me.  Maybe by the time it gets here I’ll care.

And don’t worry about making too much noise, either.  You’ll know when you make too much noise because I’ll gag you.  See how simple that is?  You don’t have to think about anything.  You just moan your little heart out.

…sigh… My toy is such a good girl.

Monster Cable

Every wondered what it would look like to totally dominate a multinational corporation?

http://www.audioholics.com/news/industry-news/blue-jeans-strikes-back

I love how this guy operates.  I can’t stand bullies, either.

Draw the line

I’ve had the growing feeling of late that I want to hang out with my friends more than they want to hang out with me.  I’m the one who calls them all the time.  It just seems to me if it was an… even relationship then they’d call me sometimes, too.

Case in point, I know these two brothers.  They live together and probably always will.  Voluntary shut-ins.  I invited myself over a few nights ago to watch a video of Reggie Watts (who is awesome, btw).  When I got there one brother was trying out some of his new comedic material on the other who was all thumbs down and sour lemons.  When the less funny brother got tired of that he asked me which film I prefered, Beowulf or 300.

From the way he asked I knew it was a setup.  I’ve seen unfunny brother try this trick on everyone else who’s ever walked through the door.  He picks a topic that’s completely subjective and then spends a hour belittling anyone who doesn’t share his opinion.  He does this to his brother, who can’t afford to move out, and to his friends when they spend 2 hours driving into town to visit for the weekend.  In other words, people who (apparently) like being bullied.

So I told him to change the subject because I didn’t want to debate.  He asked why.  I wasn’t going to debate why, either, so I said Just drop it.  He couldn’t and, as he continued to try and goad me I slowly got up, put on my coat, politely shook hands, said goodnight with a smile, and left.  As I reached the door I turned back.  “I’ve spent far too many years learning to control my temper to blow it all on such a stupid subject.  We both like to be right far too much.  It’s obvious that you hate your life because of the way you take it out on everybody else.  That means you hate the choices you’ve made to get you here.  That means your choice of pretty much everything, movies included, is wrong before you even start the debate.  Goodnight.”

The next day the funny brother called to go hang out.  Sure, I’ll go.  At the same time, I don’t know if or what it means about the rest of my friends.